Writing a Eulogy

Every now and then I will receive an e-mail message from someone who has been asked to write a eulogy. Unfortunately, writing a eulogy is something that is always done under the pressure of having little time to prepare. Sometimes people want to know what to say or how to say. At first, my reaction was “how would I know?” “I never knew this person!” Then I realized that there are some things that can be said for any situation. Here are some basic considerations I shared with a man who had recently lost his dear friend and he had been asked to do a eulogy.

The word eulogy means a “good word” and that is what you want to say. It should be honest and recognizable to people. It should help people connect to your friend. It should answer some basic questions: Why are you better off for having known this man? What difference did his life make? What were some of the things that made him laugh or cry? What were things about him that made you laugh or cry? Keep your language simple and honest. People shouldn't have to concentrate to hard on what you are saying. It should flow more like a good tale rather than a lecture. Consider the folksy winsomeness of Charles Kuralt or Garrison Keillor. People naturally resonate with a narrative style of speaking.

You don’t want the eulogy to be a stand-up comic routine, nor do you want it to be a time of intense sorrow, but laughter and tears are perfectly normal and acceptable when you remember someone.

A far as the format goes, tell a story or two from your own experience. Listen to the stories others tell and feel free to use them. These stories show that he did make a difference. Maybe he wasn't known as a great inventor or a great statesman. He was something far more important––he was a friend..

I offer the limited resources of this web site to assist you in working on a eulogy. Consider the questions. They may be of help to you or your pastor in preparing a funeral/memorial service and eulogy by providing a better feel for what this person was like. It allows the service and eulogy to be more personal.

1. Person's Full Name

2. Date of Birth

3. Place of Birth

4. What one adjective would you use to describe her/him?

5. Did s/he have any particular loves or hobbies?

6. Did s/he enjoy any particular songs? poems? or Scriptures?

7. If you could name one value or lesson s/he most wanted to teach the next generation, what would it be?

8. What one achievement or accomplishment would make his/her eyes light up when you mentioned it?

9. What were some of his/her favorite phrases or sayings?

10. Did s/he ever put anything up on the wall - a picture or motto that expresses who s/he was?

11. Did s/he like her/his first name? Did s/he have any nicknames?

12. Was there a cause or a movement that s/he felt deeply about and supported with her/his time and resources?

13. If s/he could have me say one thing during the funeral, what do you think it would be?

14. Why do you think this world is a little different because of him/her?

(Questions adapted from article in Leadership 100, March-April 1982, p. 26.)