The last couple of weeks have been great around here. The temperate weather makes for pleasant dining experiences outside. Lately that means eating outside for both lunch and dinner whenever possible.
Lately, I have been able to take advantage of the following eateries that provide outdoor seating...
Skylines in Clayton for both lunch and dinner
Flipside in Clayton for late night dinner
Whole Foods in Raleigh - great for lunch
Bogarts off of South Glenwood in Raleigh for Sunday brunch
and my favorite...
Carrabba's on Captial Blvd in Raleigh.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
A Sense of Belonging
Where do you belong? I imagine that most of us have some place we consider to be a spiritual home. It is that place we long for from time to time. It is a place where we feel we just belong. For many people it may be the home they gre up in. For others it may be a place that marked a very special time in their lives such as a college campus or a garden somewhere. For me it was my grandparents' home in Pennsylvania. It was recently sold now that my gandfather and grandmother have both died. It was a place that would satisfy that yearning within from time to time. There were places around the 50 acres on the homestead that contained wonderful and special memories for me. But now it is sold.
My wife went through these same feelings a few years ago when she helped her mother sell her home in Shelby, NC. It was the only home my wife knew until she graduated from college. Since then she made the mistake of marrying a Methodist Preacher whose lives seem to include the inability to form roots. Perhaps it is because we are to see ourselves as resident aliens (to borrow Willimon and Hauerwas' book title) and a theme from the book of Hebrews. But that doesn't stop the yearning for a sense of place and a sense of belonging.
One other thought that comes to mind is about burial. Where will you be laid to rest -- so to speak. Perhaps cremation with the ashes dumped somewhere will end up being the best solution.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Gardening Season Underway
This year I decided to do most of my gardening in big pots. I mostly do herbs and the pots are convenient. I can move them around for varying degrees of sun and shade and they are easy to weed and maintain. So far I have basil, thyme, oregano and mint. I have an extra bale of wheat straw that I will place for Jo Anne to use for a couple of tomato plants. We are putting most of this in the backyard.
We also have some rosemary shrubs we will be placing around the house in pots. Probably two in the front and one in the back. All of the herb pots are mostly filled with straw and then some soil to surround the peat pots the herbs came in. The straw allows for good dainage since the herbs do not like wet soil.
We also have some rosemary shrubs we will be placing around the house in pots. Probably two in the front and one in the back. All of the herb pots are mostly filled with straw and then some soil to surround the peat pots the herbs came in. The straw allows for good dainage since the herbs do not like wet soil.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Surgery Followup
I go to the doctor today for another follow-up to my surgery January 31. I am now off of all of the food restrictions (except for those that are "voluntarily" imposed by my inability to eat a particular food. For example, I am unable to eat roast beef that has been cooked well done in a crock pot. I have tried this a couple of times and it just makes me sick every time. Also, mexican food seems to be a real no-no for me.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Garold Swartz
My Grandfather died September 25th. These are the words I shared at his funeral on Friday, September 29th.
A few years ago my sons and I were returning from a visit to my Grandfather. Paul, my youngest son, asked why Grandpap spent so much time reading the Bible. My older son, John, who was a college student, replied, "He's cramming for finals!"
Well, if there would have been any finals I'm sure he would have passed them!
While I may have known my Grandfather for 40 years (Okay, more like 50 years)
Many of you have known him much longer. Especially those of you who were his children: Ken, Nelson, and Gary – his sons; and Rhoda, his daughter.
Knowing him even longer are his surviving siblings.
What I speak of today comes from the deep well of my own memories. Word of his death served as a stick reaching in and stirring up some of those wonderful memories that I wish to share with you today.
Grandpap loved Baseball
Some of my earliest memories of Grandpap – Pap Pap as I called him in those days – are of him tossing a wiffleball to me to catch. Indeed, after a while we would be playing wiffleball with cousins and uncles. I can remember Uncle John and Uncle Gary talking about the various ball players they thought the best and who “dropped the ball” – literally sometimes – at a crucial moment in the last game.
In amongst the same shadows of memories, I recall him taking me to see Uncle Gary to play baseball and basketball. As I got a little older he would change our games of catch to include a real baseball and real leather gloves.
Grandpap did Shift Work at the Viscose
I didn’t get to see him as much as I would have liked because of his shift work at the Viscose. Often he would have to sleep in the day and we children were encouraged with hushing sounds to be quiet in the house that we would not disturb him.
Grandpap was a Farmer
But to me he was a farmer. After all he had a barn with a couple of cows and a tractor and crops to plant and harvest. Then there was the orchard with pears and apples – as well as the walnuts and cherries. Oh, there were the grapes as well.
Again, I think back to those early days and I can still remember winter mornings, while it was still dark, when I would put on my coat and boots (with a little help) and walk with Grandpap to the barn to feed those cows that later I would learn would feed us!
During the time that we lived with my grandparents, my father built a house next door for us to live in. So I had plenty of time to hang around making myself useful and maybe getting into a little bit of mischief!
I remember him paying me a Kennedy 50 cent piece for pulling up unwanted mustard plants out of a clover field. I’m not sure if he really wanted the mustard gone or if he wanted to keep me busy that morning, but I held onto that Kennedy piece for a long time.
The harder work included the potato harvests and what I refer to now as the stone crops. It seems every year after plowing the fields there were stones that had to be picked up and moved.
I remember one year when he pulled a Tom Sawyer on me. I was so fascinated with the tractor – just like most of my cousins were – but I was the oldest and I thought I should be able to drive the tractor. Well he did teach me the basics of driving the tractor and then he asked if I would like to drive it around on the field. I said “Of course!”
He went and got the manure spreader hooked up to the tractor and let me drive it back and forth on the field. It was fantastic. I was having the time of my life. Of course the manure was being flung all over the place and covered my back and head – but I was driving the tractor!
Afterwards I probably looked like one of those ads for Orbit Gum – Fabulous!
I began to appreciate his dry wit and sense of humor.
Grandpap was my First Barber
Grandpap was my first barber. I bet he was for many of my male cousins. Sitting on that stool in the basement while he would grab hold of my head with his big hand and just dare me to squirm! I cut my own hair now (can’t you tell) and I don’t do nearly as well as he did.
The last time I saw him in the basement he was sitting on the stool and Uncle Nelson was giving him a haircut – Grandpap wanted to be sure he looked sharp for Sunday worship.
The three of us posed for a picture that Sunday after church – come to think of it we were all wearing hats that day!
Grandpap was a Wood Worker
He loved to make things in his shop. He would make things to hang up. He would make things to stick in your garden or your yard. He would make you a whole village of little buildings for your window sill that included a house, a barn, a church, and a school and more.
Grandpap was a Gardner
He loved to garden. Maybe that is why he liked the Hymn In the Garden so much. Gardening was a way for him to stay connected with God and his creation.
It was a respect for God’s creation that could be seen in the way he gardened and farmed. It the time he would spend in the woods hunting or creating a place where families and church groups could have a picnic and a time of renewal.
Grandpap loved to Remember
Grandpap loved to reminisce about things. He would take us around and show us things that meant something to him.
Homes he had lived in.
The one room school house.
This church (photo of him smiling)
Pictures of him playing with the harmonica band.
Before his health began to decline he would carefully dress up on Sunday mornings and arrive early to be able to greet people as they came in. There may have been others designated as the official greeters for a given Sunday – but wanted to always be there as a doorman for the House of the Lord.
On many of those occasions he would insist on driving, and in that last year he had his driver’s license it could be a rather white-knuckle experience.
One day when we were looking at some old photographs he showed me a picture of his family’s old home in Wisconsin. A small house, it couldn’t have been more than a one roomer with a loft. He talked about the size of the family living in that house.
Jokingly, I asked him, “Grandpap! How in the world did your parents manage to keep having children with all of you hanging all over them at night like that?”
He frowned as he thought for a moment. Then with all seriousness he looked at me and said, “Well, come to think of it, there were those times that mom and dad locked us all outside!”
Memories of Grandma and Grandpap and Meals
It is hard to think back about Grandpap without thinking about Grandma. Where Grandpap was often quiet and reserved, Grandma was quite open and up front.
But if you were to ask me what immediately came to mind when I thought of them it would be meal time.
It would be Sundays coming home from church and smelling the chicken that grandma just finished frying – feeling my stomach growl and do somersaults while we were all squeezed together around the table. Grandpap would be saying the blessing and Uncle Gary would be eying the golden-fried breast at the top of the platter. Passing the food – so much of which had come from the garden. The corn was fresh from the field. The roast came from one of the cows recently slaughtered. The stewed tomatoes from a jar that had been canned during the previous years harvest.
It was what a good life looked like!
A life that he worked hard to make – for all of us.
Then there was the biggest meal of all – Thanksgiving!
The kitchen table would be moved and expanded from the den to the Living Room. And as big as it was it wasn’t big enough to hold everybody. When the chairs ran out stools and ottomans and a piano bench would be brought out and placed around that table. The table could not hold all of the food – not all at once. The Turkey, all of the vegetables, the mashed potatoes, the ambrosia, the 24-hour salad, and the pumpkin pies (plural!) Can’t you just smell the wonderful aromas wafting up from those precious memories?
It was there with the whole family gathered, talking and laughing – passing food and eating – that the evidence of the outpouring of God’s tremendous love and grace was evident.
Yes, thanksgiving was appropriately named.
God’s blessings were so great – we had much to be thankful for. Not the least of which were the care and devotion and work of Garold and Ida Mae Swartz.
Our Lord certainly loved meals. There are so many mentions of meal time in the Gospels. Why it is in the context of a holy meal that we are told specifically to recall his memory. He tells us he goes ahead to prepare a place for us and he desribes heaven in terms of a great banquet -- a wedding feast! I can just see grandma and grandpap. They are already seated at the table.
They are at the table holding a place for us.
Our Last Time Together
It was to be our last time together. While there was some confusion at first he looked at Jo Anne and said “I love all of my grandchildren.”
Jo Anne led us in singing some hymns – grandpap knew the words and sang along.
We sang Amazing Grace, Blessed Assurance, and In the Garden.
Afterwards we were sitting around in a circle and we had a big plastic ball that he would hit back to us. For a while the two of us just bounced it back and forth between us. He was smiling.
Now that I think back on it, I realize that it was our last game of catch.
We have been blessed – all of us – with so many wonderful memories.
May the sanctify those memories.
May they always bless us.
A few years ago my sons and I were returning from a visit to my Grandfather. Paul, my youngest son, asked why Grandpap spent so much time reading the Bible. My older son, John, who was a college student, replied, "He's cramming for finals!"
Well, if there would have been any finals I'm sure he would have passed them!
While I may have known my Grandfather for 40 years (Okay, more like 50 years)
Many of you have known him much longer. Especially those of you who were his children: Ken, Nelson, and Gary – his sons; and Rhoda, his daughter.
Knowing him even longer are his surviving siblings.
What I speak of today comes from the deep well of my own memories. Word of his death served as a stick reaching in and stirring up some of those wonderful memories that I wish to share with you today.
Grandpap loved Baseball
Some of my earliest memories of Grandpap – Pap Pap as I called him in those days – are of him tossing a wiffleball to me to catch. Indeed, after a while we would be playing wiffleball with cousins and uncles. I can remember Uncle John and Uncle Gary talking about the various ball players they thought the best and who “dropped the ball” – literally sometimes – at a crucial moment in the last game.
In amongst the same shadows of memories, I recall him taking me to see Uncle Gary to play baseball and basketball. As I got a little older he would change our games of catch to include a real baseball and real leather gloves.
Grandpap did Shift Work at the Viscose
I didn’t get to see him as much as I would have liked because of his shift work at the Viscose. Often he would have to sleep in the day and we children were encouraged with hushing sounds to be quiet in the house that we would not disturb him.
Grandpap was a Farmer
But to me he was a farmer. After all he had a barn with a couple of cows and a tractor and crops to plant and harvest. Then there was the orchard with pears and apples – as well as the walnuts and cherries. Oh, there were the grapes as well.
Again, I think back to those early days and I can still remember winter mornings, while it was still dark, when I would put on my coat and boots (with a little help) and walk with Grandpap to the barn to feed those cows that later I would learn would feed us!
During the time that we lived with my grandparents, my father built a house next door for us to live in. So I had plenty of time to hang around making myself useful and maybe getting into a little bit of mischief!
I remember him paying me a Kennedy 50 cent piece for pulling up unwanted mustard plants out of a clover field. I’m not sure if he really wanted the mustard gone or if he wanted to keep me busy that morning, but I held onto that Kennedy piece for a long time.
The harder work included the potato harvests and what I refer to now as the stone crops. It seems every year after plowing the fields there were stones that had to be picked up and moved.
I remember one year when he pulled a Tom Sawyer on me. I was so fascinated with the tractor – just like most of my cousins were – but I was the oldest and I thought I should be able to drive the tractor. Well he did teach me the basics of driving the tractor and then he asked if I would like to drive it around on the field. I said “Of course!”
He went and got the manure spreader hooked up to the tractor and let me drive it back and forth on the field. It was fantastic. I was having the time of my life. Of course the manure was being flung all over the place and covered my back and head – but I was driving the tractor!
Afterwards I probably looked like one of those ads for Orbit Gum – Fabulous!
I began to appreciate his dry wit and sense of humor.
Grandpap was my First Barber
Grandpap was my first barber. I bet he was for many of my male cousins. Sitting on that stool in the basement while he would grab hold of my head with his big hand and just dare me to squirm! I cut my own hair now (can’t you tell) and I don’t do nearly as well as he did.
The last time I saw him in the basement he was sitting on the stool and Uncle Nelson was giving him a haircut – Grandpap wanted to be sure he looked sharp for Sunday worship.
The three of us posed for a picture that Sunday after church – come to think of it we were all wearing hats that day!
Grandpap was a Wood Worker
He loved to make things in his shop. He would make things to hang up. He would make things to stick in your garden or your yard. He would make you a whole village of little buildings for your window sill that included a house, a barn, a church, and a school and more.
Grandpap was a Gardner
He loved to garden. Maybe that is why he liked the Hymn In the Garden so much. Gardening was a way for him to stay connected with God and his creation.
It was a respect for God’s creation that could be seen in the way he gardened and farmed. It the time he would spend in the woods hunting or creating a place where families and church groups could have a picnic and a time of renewal.
Grandpap loved to Remember
Grandpap loved to reminisce about things. He would take us around and show us things that meant something to him.
Homes he had lived in.
The one room school house.
This church (photo of him smiling)
Pictures of him playing with the harmonica band.
Before his health began to decline he would carefully dress up on Sunday mornings and arrive early to be able to greet people as they came in. There may have been others designated as the official greeters for a given Sunday – but wanted to always be there as a doorman for the House of the Lord.
On many of those occasions he would insist on driving, and in that last year he had his driver’s license it could be a rather white-knuckle experience.
One day when we were looking at some old photographs he showed me a picture of his family’s old home in Wisconsin. A small house, it couldn’t have been more than a one roomer with a loft. He talked about the size of the family living in that house.
Jokingly, I asked him, “Grandpap! How in the world did your parents manage to keep having children with all of you hanging all over them at night like that?”
He frowned as he thought for a moment. Then with all seriousness he looked at me and said, “Well, come to think of it, there were those times that mom and dad locked us all outside!”
Memories of Grandma and Grandpap and Meals
It is hard to think back about Grandpap without thinking about Grandma. Where Grandpap was often quiet and reserved, Grandma was quite open and up front.
But if you were to ask me what immediately came to mind when I thought of them it would be meal time.
It would be Sundays coming home from church and smelling the chicken that grandma just finished frying – feeling my stomach growl and do somersaults while we were all squeezed together around the table. Grandpap would be saying the blessing and Uncle Gary would be eying the golden-fried breast at the top of the platter. Passing the food – so much of which had come from the garden. The corn was fresh from the field. The roast came from one of the cows recently slaughtered. The stewed tomatoes from a jar that had been canned during the previous years harvest.
It was what a good life looked like!
A life that he worked hard to make – for all of us.
Then there was the biggest meal of all – Thanksgiving!
The kitchen table would be moved and expanded from the den to the Living Room. And as big as it was it wasn’t big enough to hold everybody. When the chairs ran out stools and ottomans and a piano bench would be brought out and placed around that table. The table could not hold all of the food – not all at once. The Turkey, all of the vegetables, the mashed potatoes, the ambrosia, the 24-hour salad, and the pumpkin pies (plural!) Can’t you just smell the wonderful aromas wafting up from those precious memories?
It was there with the whole family gathered, talking and laughing – passing food and eating – that the evidence of the outpouring of God’s tremendous love and grace was evident.
Yes, thanksgiving was appropriately named.
God’s blessings were so great – we had much to be thankful for. Not the least of which were the care and devotion and work of Garold and Ida Mae Swartz.
Our Lord certainly loved meals. There are so many mentions of meal time in the Gospels. Why it is in the context of a holy meal that we are told specifically to recall his memory. He tells us he goes ahead to prepare a place for us and he desribes heaven in terms of a great banquet -- a wedding feast! I can just see grandma and grandpap. They are already seated at the table.
They are at the table holding a place for us.
Our Last Time Together
It was to be our last time together. While there was some confusion at first he looked at Jo Anne and said “I love all of my grandchildren.”
Jo Anne led us in singing some hymns – grandpap knew the words and sang along.
We sang Amazing Grace, Blessed Assurance, and In the Garden.
Afterwards we were sitting around in a circle and we had a big plastic ball that he would hit back to us. For a while the two of us just bounced it back and forth between us. He was smiling.
Now that I think back on it, I realize that it was our last game of catch.
We have been blessed – all of us – with so many wonderful memories.
May the sanctify those memories.
May they always bless us.
Elizabeth Pearl Davis
Elizabeth lived for a few minutes before her underdeveloped lungs failed her. I was present in the delivery room and had the privilege of baptizing her.
last updated - December 26, 1997
Who can understand the anguish of unrealized dreams?
What color would her hair have been?
Her eyes?
What would her voice have sounded like?
What would she have looked like in her prom dress
or her wedding gown?
These dreams will only remain unrealized.
Who can understand the pain of unfulfilled promises?
Where is the child so carefully planned for?
So desired?
So wanted?
Elisabeth Pearl was a child given by God with so much promise.
The promise of a child – a child to hold and love…
a child to nourish and watch grow up
Who can understand the grief of lost hope?
The difficulty of the pregnancy.
The efforts to make this a successful pregnancy.
The attempts to stop the labor, to make the pains cease.
Who can understand the loneliness
that shrouds Lisa and Scot in their disappointment?
Who can ease the burden they carry?
Who can console them?
There is one.
One who gathers his little ones as a mother hen.
One whose rod and staff comfort us.
One who faced the loss of his own dear Son.
A Son given us for the healing of the nations.
A Son who has risen with healing in his wings.
A Son who is the Lord of Lords…
the king of kings…
The One who is called Savior, Redeemer, and Lord.
Have you seen his grief?
The pain that he bore?
He has seen yours and he makes it his own.
Receive his consolation.
Know that he has felt your sorrows.
He has prepared a place – a place for us.
It is a place where only God’s people will live…
and where the unrighteous will never enter.
It is a place where all tears are wiped away.
It is a place where there is no pain…
no sorrow…
no grief…
where suffering is no more.
It is a place of peace and glory…
It is where Elizabeth lives.
last updated - December 26, 1997
Ida Mae Horn Swartz
June 15, 1917 - December 16, 1997
The phone call came at 6:45 on the evening of the 16th. At 8:58 I sent out an e-mail message to friends about my Grandmother's death. Many of those friends are former and current church members of congregations I have served as pastor. By the next morning I was receiving e-mail messages back. The ones from former and current church members had a common theme. In addition to expressing their sympathy they all said that they felt they had known my grandmother: "We remember your grandmother from the stories you would tell us of her."
That is the nature of memories. They can be collective, shared, or private. They may be special moments - remembrances of her as a sister, a wife, a mother, or a friend. But, when we share those memories they become a part of someone else. The memories become the possession of others. When the Bible tells us to be kind to foreigners in our midst because we were once slaves in Egypt it assumes we have made that memory our own. We were once slaves in Egypt. The sacred memory has been passed down to us. Today, I want to share just a few memories of my Grandmother.
She was a determined woman. Yes, she was a woman who could be patient, but that was restricted by the limits of her determination. When I was small she decided it was time to clean the attic. She had asked my Grandfather to place the wagon underneath the attic window so she could drop the stuff she want to be rid of. Well, my Grandfather was busy with other things. One day she decided she had waited long enough. She went to the attic and opened up the window and began to hurl items from the window. Imagine my surprise to items raining from the sky. Imagine my Grandfather's surprise upon his return.
Then there was the time she was after my Grandfather to clean out the chimney. My Grandfather was up working in the fields when a chimney fire broke out. I was still a baby and my mother picked me up and went running next door to Aunt Mid's house. My Grandmother called the fire department (instead of calling for my Grandfather). My grandfather saw the fire trucks coming up the road from town - followed by cars of just about everybody who lived along the way! My Grandfather saw to it that the chimney stayed clean after that.
Her determination had an effect on other aspects of her life. She loved to travel. She had recently travelled to Washington D.C. with my Grandfather on a visit to see Loyce and Kurt. She got to see the cherry blossoms in bloom. Something she had always wanted to see. That was the sort of thing that made her happy. She loved nature, and human interaction with nature. My Grandparents loved to travel. They travelled alone, with family, or with friends - such as the Swigarts.
Around 1970, my family was on its way to Niagara Falls. My Grandmother said she would love to go. My mother, jokingly, said that she would have to ride up with one of the children on her lap. She open the car door and crawled on in, placing one of the smaller children on her lap and said, "Let's go!"
Her determination also showed in the way she cared for people. I can't remember a time when I haven't spoken to her this past year when she didn't't remind me that she said a prayer for all of her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She was determined to make that a part of her life. In the same way, that care shows in the detail and work that went into all of those quilts she made for us. I look at the quilt she made for me. made from squares cut from the dresses she had worn through the years. I cannot look at that quilt without seeing her in those dresses.
I must confess that smells often evoke memories for me. That is especially true for the smells of foods. The last time I saw my Grandmother was during Thanksgiving last month. Whenever I smell certain foods (e.g., turkey, pumpkin pie) I remember so many meals spent at her house on the holidays. Fried chicken and mashed potatoes bring back memories of Sunday dinner at her house after church.
It is no coincidence that so many of the Gospel memories revolved around food. The disciples remember Jesus the same way. They remember how he fed the multitudes, they remember the meals by the sea. They remember the last supper. Two disciples recount how the risen Lord walked with them to Emmaus. There hearts burned within them as he opened up the scriptures for them. But, it wasn't until he took bread, gave thanks, and broke it, that their eyes were opened and they recognized him!
Jesus often compared heaven to a great banquet - to a wedding feast. In the book of Revelation it is written, "Blessed are they who are invited to the marriage feast of the Lamb." Heaven is a place of great rejoicing, and fun, and fellowship. The same sort of things we would do at a great feast. The sort of things we would often do while gathered around my Grandmother's table.
Growing up next door to her meant my immediate family spent a great deal of time at her house. Indeed, we lived at her house until my father finished building ours. Sometimes children stray and are in need of discipline. For us that sometime meant a switching. The switch of choice were cut from the peach tree that was just outside of my grandmother's house. One day that tree became so diseased that my Grandfather cut it down. I will never forget watching him pull the stump out of the ground by a chain attached to his tractor. While I was watching from the window I think I had my first religious experience. "Hallelujah, the tree is dead, the tree is no more, Hallelujah!"
This last year has been difficult for my Grandmother. There were problems with her diabetes, the kidney failure, being on dialysis three days a week. When the doctor said she needed heart surgery, it was too much. She said she had had enough. "No more." She was a Christian. She had place all of her hope and trust and confidence in her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. There are certainly things worse than death; at least, for a Christian.
Her heart stopped on the 16th while eating supper with the man she loved. The man she had been married to for over 61 years. I cannot begin to imagine his pain.
I remember what the apostle Paul said:
This perishable body must put on imperishablity.
What is mortal must put on immortality.
When this perishable body puts on imperishablity
and what is mortal puts on immortality
then the saying that is written is true:
death has been swallowed up in victory.
Where O death is thy sting?
Where O grave is thy victory?
Thanks be to God who gives us this victory in Jesus Christ.
May the good Lord sanctify our memories of Ida Mae Swartz. And may they be a blessing to all of us.
Amen.
The phone call came at 6:45 on the evening of the 16th. At 8:58 I sent out an e-mail message to friends about my Grandmother's death. Many of those friends are former and current church members of congregations I have served as pastor. By the next morning I was receiving e-mail messages back. The ones from former and current church members had a common theme. In addition to expressing their sympathy they all said that they felt they had known my grandmother: "We remember your grandmother from the stories you would tell us of her."
That is the nature of memories. They can be collective, shared, or private. They may be special moments - remembrances of her as a sister, a wife, a mother, or a friend. But, when we share those memories they become a part of someone else. The memories become the possession of others. When the Bible tells us to be kind to foreigners in our midst because we were once slaves in Egypt it assumes we have made that memory our own. We were once slaves in Egypt. The sacred memory has been passed down to us. Today, I want to share just a few memories of my Grandmother.
She was a determined woman. Yes, she was a woman who could be patient, but that was restricted by the limits of her determination. When I was small she decided it was time to clean the attic. She had asked my Grandfather to place the wagon underneath the attic window so she could drop the stuff she want to be rid of. Well, my Grandfather was busy with other things. One day she decided she had waited long enough. She went to the attic and opened up the window and began to hurl items from the window. Imagine my surprise to items raining from the sky. Imagine my Grandfather's surprise upon his return.
Then there was the time she was after my Grandfather to clean out the chimney. My Grandfather was up working in the fields when a chimney fire broke out. I was still a baby and my mother picked me up and went running next door to Aunt Mid's house. My Grandmother called the fire department (instead of calling for my Grandfather). My grandfather saw the fire trucks coming up the road from town - followed by cars of just about everybody who lived along the way! My Grandfather saw to it that the chimney stayed clean after that.
Her determination had an effect on other aspects of her life. She loved to travel. She had recently travelled to Washington D.C. with my Grandfather on a visit to see Loyce and Kurt. She got to see the cherry blossoms in bloom. Something she had always wanted to see. That was the sort of thing that made her happy. She loved nature, and human interaction with nature. My Grandparents loved to travel. They travelled alone, with family, or with friends - such as the Swigarts.
Around 1970, my family was on its way to Niagara Falls. My Grandmother said she would love to go. My mother, jokingly, said that she would have to ride up with one of the children on her lap. She open the car door and crawled on in, placing one of the smaller children on her lap and said, "Let's go!"
Her determination also showed in the way she cared for people. I can't remember a time when I haven't spoken to her this past year when she didn't't remind me that she said a prayer for all of her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She was determined to make that a part of her life. In the same way, that care shows in the detail and work that went into all of those quilts she made for us. I look at the quilt she made for me. made from squares cut from the dresses she had worn through the years. I cannot look at that quilt without seeing her in those dresses.
I must confess that smells often evoke memories for me. That is especially true for the smells of foods. The last time I saw my Grandmother was during Thanksgiving last month. Whenever I smell certain foods (e.g., turkey, pumpkin pie) I remember so many meals spent at her house on the holidays. Fried chicken and mashed potatoes bring back memories of Sunday dinner at her house after church.
It is no coincidence that so many of the Gospel memories revolved around food. The disciples remember Jesus the same way. They remember how he fed the multitudes, they remember the meals by the sea. They remember the last supper. Two disciples recount how the risen Lord walked with them to Emmaus. There hearts burned within them as he opened up the scriptures for them. But, it wasn't until he took bread, gave thanks, and broke it, that their eyes were opened and they recognized him!
Jesus often compared heaven to a great banquet - to a wedding feast. In the book of Revelation it is written, "Blessed are they who are invited to the marriage feast of the Lamb." Heaven is a place of great rejoicing, and fun, and fellowship. The same sort of things we would do at a great feast. The sort of things we would often do while gathered around my Grandmother's table.
Growing up next door to her meant my immediate family spent a great deal of time at her house. Indeed, we lived at her house until my father finished building ours. Sometimes children stray and are in need of discipline. For us that sometime meant a switching. The switch of choice were cut from the peach tree that was just outside of my grandmother's house. One day that tree became so diseased that my Grandfather cut it down. I will never forget watching him pull the stump out of the ground by a chain attached to his tractor. While I was watching from the window I think I had my first religious experience. "Hallelujah, the tree is dead, the tree is no more, Hallelujah!"
This last year has been difficult for my Grandmother. There were problems with her diabetes, the kidney failure, being on dialysis three days a week. When the doctor said she needed heart surgery, it was too much. She said she had had enough. "No more." She was a Christian. She had place all of her hope and trust and confidence in her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. There are certainly things worse than death; at least, for a Christian.
Her heart stopped on the 16th while eating supper with the man she loved. The man she had been married to for over 61 years. I cannot begin to imagine his pain.
I remember what the apostle Paul said:
This perishable body must put on imperishablity.
What is mortal must put on immortality.
When this perishable body puts on imperishablity
and what is mortal puts on immortality
then the saying that is written is true:
death has been swallowed up in victory.
Where O death is thy sting?
Where O grave is thy victory?
Thanks be to God who gives us this victory in Jesus Christ.
May the good Lord sanctify our memories of Ida Mae Swartz. And may they be a blessing to all of us.
Amen.
Sarah Cooey Wages Shiver King DeHart
Today, as we remember Aunt Sarah we cannot be content with the black and white of an obituary. There is so much more to tell and that is what I intend to do today. I want to tell you a little about Aunt Sarah - as a family person and as a woman, an individual.
Aunt Sarah as a Family Person
Aunt Sarah was the daughter of Janie Blocker and Daniel Ples Monroe Cooey. Great-Grandma Janie was her own woman. Her husband, Ples, was a railroad worker, handling Morse Coded messages while they courted. They later moved to Perry where he ran a pool room and bar. Ironically he became concern about the big city influence on his young family and moved them to the protective wilds beyond the Fenholloway River.
There they all grew up… Marjorie, Ples, Blocker, Sarah, Betty, Billy, and Fenway.
They experienced the hard lessons of the woods and the bonding of a family. It was the combination of these factors that made them all larger than life to us. A family of individualists who tenaciously stuck together. In a letter, long ago, Aunt Sarah revealed how as a young teen she desired to learn how to type. The tuition was a dollar a week and she didn't have it, nor could her parents spare it. My Grandfather Ples, her older brother made money by taking people fishing down the Fenholloway to the Gulf. Every Monday he would take a dollar bill and place it in an empty Prince Albert tobacco tin. He would throw it onto the bank of the river where it would be retrieved by Aunt Sarah for her tuition.
As a mother Aunt Sarah had a marvelous ability to allow for individuality and spontaneity, accepting her children and others as persons, yet without compromising what she saw as essential principles in life. This is no easy task in a society that so often promotes an extreme individualism that encourages personal anarchy.
Her children learned manners. They learned to say 'yes sir' and 'no sir' and treat elders with respect. They learned to be kind to others…to show respect to all people.
The children were expected to value education. My mother insisted that I where this academic gown today instead of an alb because she knew the value Aunt Sarah placed on an education. As a widowed mother, she scrimped and saved to send her children to college. There is the wonderful story that Lee and Billie tell of Aunt Sarah and the peanut butter jar. It seems that the children had a penchant for JIF peanut butter. They loved its rich creamy "peanut-buttery taste." Well, Aunt Sarah thought JIF cost too much and the children really couldn't tell the difference between it and, say, Deep South peanut butter. So each week she would buy a jar of Deep South peanut butter, skim the rancid tasting oil off the top and place the sandy-textured ersatz peanut butter in the JIF jar. After a while the children notice that the labels of the "new" jars of JIF had a faded, worn look.
Aunt Sarah knew that as adults her children would have to make their own decisions and mistakes. She hoped to prepare them so that the latter would be few. When the children were in high school they were expected to keep a curfew. If they did, and if they let their mother know where they were at all times she would reward them by extending the curfew each year. Lee tells me that his curfew was extended by 30 minutes each year while Cissie's stayed the same!
That was Aunt Sarah's way. She wanted to help her children find a direction in life. She considered it her obligation as a mother and a teacher to do this for her children and students. She was to help lay a foundation that they would have to build on for the rest of their lives. This was something she sought to do in all of her children: Early Jane, Lee, and Billie; her summertime children: Mayo and Mary Lou; and the students at school and the friends her children would bring home. Lee's friend Gene was telling me yesterday how Aunt Sarah pinned him down one day at age thirteen and asked him, "Gene, what are your goals in life." Poor Gene, beyond field goals he wasn't sure what she meant. But she pushed him and started him thinking about what he expected from life. Something he has benefited from to this day.
Aunt Sarah's children stand as monument to the kind of mother she was: Early Jane, Lee, and Billie - your mother couldn't have been more proud of who you have become. Take solace in that.
Aunt Sarah as a Woman and Person
As a woman, Aunt Sarah may have appeared overly complex to people who didn't know her well. She certainly stands with all of Janie Blocker Cooey's daughters. All of them were strong-willed and determined. They were full of purpose, independent, sincere, honest, and religious.
(Did I say honest? I may need to qualify that! It seems that Aunt Sarah enjoyed to drink cold water she kept in the refrigerator. The problem is that her children would often drink the water and place the empty water container in the refrigerator. Aunt Sarah corrected this problem with a new water container. She kept it full of water and told the children that it contained special medicine she had to take and that they weren't to touch it!)
Aunt Sarah and her sisters inherited from their mother a style of feminism that helped make the communities they lived in better places. There is a framed, cross-stitch hanging in her kitchen which reads "A woman's place is in the world." Aunt Sarah really believed that. She ran for school superintendent in 1972, helping to pave the way for woman in leadership roles in education.
Aunt Sarah was a lover of nature. She grew up in the Florida wilds and as an adult owned a camp near Perry, a beach house on the Gulf, and mountain home in North Carolina. He daughter Billie remembers her mother naming the animals that made every mark on the nature walks they would take. Often, I remember that during those childhood visits to Perry we never knew what to expect at Aunt Sarah's house - a raccoon, 'possums, whatever wild thing there was that needed a home for a time.
While I have already mentioned her place as a teacher I believe special mention is due here. She was a teacher who administered discipline with love and acceptance. She demonstrated her concern for the development of character as well as the learning of facts. That was the kind of teacher she was - in school and out.
Earlier, I mentioned all of Aunt Sarah's sisters and brothers. She is the last of her generation to leave us. Uncle Billy died in 1954. Uncle Blocker went walk-about in 1962 and hasn't been heard of since. Uncle Fenway and Aunt Betty died in 1988; Aunt Marjorie in 1994. My grandfather, Ples, died last year, in 1995. And, now, Aunt Sarah - 1996.
Her passing marks the end of a strong and dauntless generation. They were all larger than life and in some respects have already taken on a mythic quality to the members of their family, many of whom are gathered here today. It is to you that I speak now - the descendants of the children of Janie Blocker and Daniel Ples Monroe Cooey. Today we mark not only the loss of a fine woman, but, of a fine generation.
How can we honor this generation? How can we honor the memory of these people whose character and strength are etched within the fiber of our being? We do so by gathering together again and again to remember and laugh and cry. We do so by dispersing again to carry into the world the lessons and stories we have learned.
Yes, Sarah has left us - at least in this earthly, sensible realm.
Linda and Lee were trying to explain to their daughter Caroline that her grandmother, "Little Mama," had died. They told her that she had gone to heaven.
She smiled and said, "Oh! Heaven is a wonderful place!"
She was quoting a children's song she had learned off of a Psalty album…
Heaven is a wonderful place
Filled with glory and grace.
I wanna see my Savior's face
'cause Heaven is a wonderful place.
We miss you now Aunt Sarah - but, someday we will be with you again and together we will see our Savior's face.
last updated - December 26, 1997
Aunt Sarah as a Family Person
Aunt Sarah was the daughter of Janie Blocker and Daniel Ples Monroe Cooey. Great-Grandma Janie was her own woman. Her husband, Ples, was a railroad worker, handling Morse Coded messages while they courted. They later moved to Perry where he ran a pool room and bar. Ironically he became concern about the big city influence on his young family and moved them to the protective wilds beyond the Fenholloway River.
There they all grew up… Marjorie, Ples, Blocker, Sarah, Betty, Billy, and Fenway.
They experienced the hard lessons of the woods and the bonding of a family. It was the combination of these factors that made them all larger than life to us. A family of individualists who tenaciously stuck together. In a letter, long ago, Aunt Sarah revealed how as a young teen she desired to learn how to type. The tuition was a dollar a week and she didn't have it, nor could her parents spare it. My Grandfather Ples, her older brother made money by taking people fishing down the Fenholloway to the Gulf. Every Monday he would take a dollar bill and place it in an empty Prince Albert tobacco tin. He would throw it onto the bank of the river where it would be retrieved by Aunt Sarah for her tuition.
As a mother Aunt Sarah had a marvelous ability to allow for individuality and spontaneity, accepting her children and others as persons, yet without compromising what she saw as essential principles in life. This is no easy task in a society that so often promotes an extreme individualism that encourages personal anarchy.
Her children learned manners. They learned to say 'yes sir' and 'no sir' and treat elders with respect. They learned to be kind to others…to show respect to all people.
The children were expected to value education. My mother insisted that I where this academic gown today instead of an alb because she knew the value Aunt Sarah placed on an education. As a widowed mother, she scrimped and saved to send her children to college. There is the wonderful story that Lee and Billie tell of Aunt Sarah and the peanut butter jar. It seems that the children had a penchant for JIF peanut butter. They loved its rich creamy "peanut-buttery taste." Well, Aunt Sarah thought JIF cost too much and the children really couldn't tell the difference between it and, say, Deep South peanut butter. So each week she would buy a jar of Deep South peanut butter, skim the rancid tasting oil off the top and place the sandy-textured ersatz peanut butter in the JIF jar. After a while the children notice that the labels of the "new" jars of JIF had a faded, worn look.
Aunt Sarah knew that as adults her children would have to make their own decisions and mistakes. She hoped to prepare them so that the latter would be few. When the children were in high school they were expected to keep a curfew. If they did, and if they let their mother know where they were at all times she would reward them by extending the curfew each year. Lee tells me that his curfew was extended by 30 minutes each year while Cissie's stayed the same!
That was Aunt Sarah's way. She wanted to help her children find a direction in life. She considered it her obligation as a mother and a teacher to do this for her children and students. She was to help lay a foundation that they would have to build on for the rest of their lives. This was something she sought to do in all of her children: Early Jane, Lee, and Billie; her summertime children: Mayo and Mary Lou; and the students at school and the friends her children would bring home. Lee's friend Gene was telling me yesterday how Aunt Sarah pinned him down one day at age thirteen and asked him, "Gene, what are your goals in life." Poor Gene, beyond field goals he wasn't sure what she meant. But she pushed him and started him thinking about what he expected from life. Something he has benefited from to this day.
Aunt Sarah's children stand as monument to the kind of mother she was: Early Jane, Lee, and Billie - your mother couldn't have been more proud of who you have become. Take solace in that.
Aunt Sarah as a Woman and Person
As a woman, Aunt Sarah may have appeared overly complex to people who didn't know her well. She certainly stands with all of Janie Blocker Cooey's daughters. All of them were strong-willed and determined. They were full of purpose, independent, sincere, honest, and religious.
(Did I say honest? I may need to qualify that! It seems that Aunt Sarah enjoyed to drink cold water she kept in the refrigerator. The problem is that her children would often drink the water and place the empty water container in the refrigerator. Aunt Sarah corrected this problem with a new water container. She kept it full of water and told the children that it contained special medicine she had to take and that they weren't to touch it!)
Aunt Sarah and her sisters inherited from their mother a style of feminism that helped make the communities they lived in better places. There is a framed, cross-stitch hanging in her kitchen which reads "A woman's place is in the world." Aunt Sarah really believed that. She ran for school superintendent in 1972, helping to pave the way for woman in leadership roles in education.
Aunt Sarah was a lover of nature. She grew up in the Florida wilds and as an adult owned a camp near Perry, a beach house on the Gulf, and mountain home in North Carolina. He daughter Billie remembers her mother naming the animals that made every mark on the nature walks they would take. Often, I remember that during those childhood visits to Perry we never knew what to expect at Aunt Sarah's house - a raccoon, 'possums, whatever wild thing there was that needed a home for a time.
While I have already mentioned her place as a teacher I believe special mention is due here. She was a teacher who administered discipline with love and acceptance. She demonstrated her concern for the development of character as well as the learning of facts. That was the kind of teacher she was - in school and out.
Earlier, I mentioned all of Aunt Sarah's sisters and brothers. She is the last of her generation to leave us. Uncle Billy died in 1954. Uncle Blocker went walk-about in 1962 and hasn't been heard of since. Uncle Fenway and Aunt Betty died in 1988; Aunt Marjorie in 1994. My grandfather, Ples, died last year, in 1995. And, now, Aunt Sarah - 1996.
Her passing marks the end of a strong and dauntless generation. They were all larger than life and in some respects have already taken on a mythic quality to the members of their family, many of whom are gathered here today. It is to you that I speak now - the descendants of the children of Janie Blocker and Daniel Ples Monroe Cooey. Today we mark not only the loss of a fine woman, but, of a fine generation.
How can we honor this generation? How can we honor the memory of these people whose character and strength are etched within the fiber of our being? We do so by gathering together again and again to remember and laugh and cry. We do so by dispersing again to carry into the world the lessons and stories we have learned.
Yes, Sarah has left us - at least in this earthly, sensible realm.
Linda and Lee were trying to explain to their daughter Caroline that her grandmother, "Little Mama," had died. They told her that she had gone to heaven.
She smiled and said, "Oh! Heaven is a wonderful place!"
She was quoting a children's song she had learned off of a Psalty album…
Heaven is a wonderful place
Filled with glory and grace.
I wanna see my Savior's face
'cause Heaven is a wonderful place.
We miss you now Aunt Sarah - but, someday we will be with you again and together we will see our Savior's face.
last updated - December 26, 1997
Writing a Eulogy
Every now and then I will receive an e-mail message from someone who has been asked to write a eulogy. Unfortunately, writing a eulogy is something that is always done under the pressure of having little time to prepare. Sometimes people want to know what to say or how to say. At first, my reaction was “how would I know?” “I never knew this person!” Then I realized that there are some things that can be said for any situation. Here are some basic considerations I shared with a man who had recently lost his dear friend and he had been asked to do a eulogy.
The word eulogy means a “good word” and that is what you want to say. It should be honest and recognizable to people. It should help people connect to your friend. It should answer some basic questions: Why are you better off for having known this man? What difference did his life make? What were some of the things that made him laugh or cry? What were things about him that made you laugh or cry? Keep your language simple and honest. People shouldn't have to concentrate to hard on what you are saying. It should flow more like a good tale rather than a lecture. Consider the folksy winsomeness of Charles Kuralt or Garrison Keillor. People naturally resonate with a narrative style of speaking.
You don’t want the eulogy to be a stand-up comic routine, nor do you want it to be a time of intense sorrow, but laughter and tears are perfectly normal and acceptable when you remember someone.
A far as the format goes, tell a story or two from your own experience. Listen to the stories others tell and feel free to use them. These stories show that he did make a difference. Maybe he wasn't known as a great inventor or a great statesman. He was something far more important––he was a friend..
I offer the limited resources of this web site to assist you in working on a eulogy. Consider the questions. They may be of help to you or your pastor in preparing a funeral/memorial service and eulogy by providing a better feel for what this person was like. It allows the service and eulogy to be more personal.
1. Person's Full Name
2. Date of Birth
3. Place of Birth
4. What one adjective would you use to describe her/him?
5. Did s/he have any particular loves or hobbies?
6. Did s/he enjoy any particular songs? poems? or Scriptures?
7. If you could name one value or lesson s/he most wanted to teach the next generation, what would it be?
8. What one achievement or accomplishment would make his/her eyes light up when you mentioned it?
9. What were some of his/her favorite phrases or sayings?
10. Did s/he ever put anything up on the wall - a picture or motto that expresses who s/he was?
11. Did s/he like her/his first name? Did s/he have any nicknames?
12. Was there a cause or a movement that s/he felt deeply about and supported with her/his time and resources?
13. If s/he could have me say one thing during the funeral, what do you think it would be?
14. Why do you think this world is a little different because of him/her?
(Questions adapted from article in Leadership 100, March-April 1982, p. 26.)
The word eulogy means a “good word” and that is what you want to say. It should be honest and recognizable to people. It should help people connect to your friend. It should answer some basic questions: Why are you better off for having known this man? What difference did his life make? What were some of the things that made him laugh or cry? What were things about him that made you laugh or cry? Keep your language simple and honest. People shouldn't have to concentrate to hard on what you are saying. It should flow more like a good tale rather than a lecture. Consider the folksy winsomeness of Charles Kuralt or Garrison Keillor. People naturally resonate with a narrative style of speaking.
You don’t want the eulogy to be a stand-up comic routine, nor do you want it to be a time of intense sorrow, but laughter and tears are perfectly normal and acceptable when you remember someone.
A far as the format goes, tell a story or two from your own experience. Listen to the stories others tell and feel free to use them. These stories show that he did make a difference. Maybe he wasn't known as a great inventor or a great statesman. He was something far more important––he was a friend..
I offer the limited resources of this web site to assist you in working on a eulogy. Consider the questions. They may be of help to you or your pastor in preparing a funeral/memorial service and eulogy by providing a better feel for what this person was like. It allows the service and eulogy to be more personal.
1. Person's Full Name
2. Date of Birth
3. Place of Birth
4. What one adjective would you use to describe her/him?
5. Did s/he have any particular loves or hobbies?
6. Did s/he enjoy any particular songs? poems? or Scriptures?
7. If you could name one value or lesson s/he most wanted to teach the next generation, what would it be?
8. What one achievement or accomplishment would make his/her eyes light up when you mentioned it?
9. What were some of his/her favorite phrases or sayings?
10. Did s/he ever put anything up on the wall - a picture or motto that expresses who s/he was?
11. Did s/he like her/his first name? Did s/he have any nicknames?
12. Was there a cause or a movement that s/he felt deeply about and supported with her/his time and resources?
13. If s/he could have me say one thing during the funeral, what do you think it would be?
14. Why do you think this world is a little different because of him/her?
(Questions adapted from article in Leadership 100, March-April 1982, p. 26.)
A Defense of Eulogies
Some time ago I was helping a family plan a funeral service of a woman. Her son began to talk about the eulogy. I hadn't thought in terms of a eulogy. Indeed, the trend has been to have a “traditional” church service with a sermon on a biblical text. The idea is that the service and the sermon should lift up Jesus Christ as the hope and promise of our salvation. There is certainly nothing wrong with this. But, often the services end up seeming impersonal. It is not unusual to attend a worship service and hear very little about the deceased.
After a recent funeral two men came to see me. The first man wanted to tell me how different the funeral was from those he attended at his own church. In his church there are fine sermons on the comfort we receive from our God in Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, the services and sermons are interchangeable with any other person's funeral. The second man came to me and said that he wanted to begin writing down some of the anecdotes from his life for his children. He wanted his children to share some of them with his preacher in hopes that a personal touch, even a humorous touch, might be given to his own funeral service.
A Christian funeral should lift up Jesus Christ as the hope and promise of salvation. We need to hear the message of redemption and God's love. We need to sing the hymns that have reinforced the confidence and trust of the faithful over the centuries. But, there is nothing wrong with speaking of the dead, so to speak. We gather as a community of faith to worship and praise God––but, it is in the context of remembering and giving thanks to God for the life of a particular person.
The funeral service can contain favorite hymns and scripture readings. It can even contain favorite poems or non-scriptural readings. But, it is in the eulogy that we might begin to see a glimpse of one's life and personality - one's uniqueness.
A eulogy doensn't have to replace a sermon. I believe a sermon is still a necessary part of a funeral service. This is especially true if a friend or a member of the family does the eulogy - a practice I heartily endorse. But, for the pastor who is conducting the funeral or memorial service alone, combining the elements of a eulogy in the framework of a message of Christian hope and redemption is best.
I offer the limited resources of this web site to assist you in thinking through this process.
God bless you.
After a recent funeral two men came to see me. The first man wanted to tell me how different the funeral was from those he attended at his own church. In his church there are fine sermons on the comfort we receive from our God in Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, the services and sermons are interchangeable with any other person's funeral. The second man came to me and said that he wanted to begin writing down some of the anecdotes from his life for his children. He wanted his children to share some of them with his preacher in hopes that a personal touch, even a humorous touch, might be given to his own funeral service.
A Christian funeral should lift up Jesus Christ as the hope and promise of salvation. We need to hear the message of redemption and God's love. We need to sing the hymns that have reinforced the confidence and trust of the faithful over the centuries. But, there is nothing wrong with speaking of the dead, so to speak. We gather as a community of faith to worship and praise God––but, it is in the context of remembering and giving thanks to God for the life of a particular person.
The funeral service can contain favorite hymns and scripture readings. It can even contain favorite poems or non-scriptural readings. But, it is in the eulogy that we might begin to see a glimpse of one's life and personality - one's uniqueness.
A eulogy doensn't have to replace a sermon. I believe a sermon is still a necessary part of a funeral service. This is especially true if a friend or a member of the family does the eulogy - a practice I heartily endorse. But, for the pastor who is conducting the funeral or memorial service alone, combining the elements of a eulogy in the framework of a message of Christian hope and redemption is best.
I offer the limited resources of this web site to assist you in thinking through this process.
God bless you.
Plan Your Own Funeral Service
“Why should you plan your own funeral?” Good question. Many people are to superstitious to even think about dying what less to prepare for it. Yet, at the time of death, families are placed in the situation of having to make many important decisions in a brief period of time in the midst of intense grief. It doesn't hurt to take care of a few things.
1. Let family members know about your desires concerning arrangements and burial. Have you purchased grave plots. Do you have special insurance to take care of funeral costs. These types of arrangements should be written down and given to your spouse and children (or others who will be called upon to make these types of decisions at your death). My Aunt Majorie told as many people as she could about her desire to have a casket spray made out of pine boughs from a tree in her front yard. The tree was special to her. It had been planted by her nephew and nieces when they were young. They were her only children and the gesture carried important symbolic meaning for her.
2. Write down a list of your favorite hymns, scripture texts, poems, etc. that may be helpful in the planning of your funeral service. Are there particular people you would like to take part in the service? Such as a niece whom you love and who is gifted in speaking in front of people. Maybe she would be willing to speak for a few minutes. Go ahead and talk it over with your family and ask her about it now. It isn't too soon and an occasional reminder might be in order, “Remember, I want you to speak at my funeral.” I know of several people who have asked me to speak at their funerals. If their families call upon me to do this I won't be surprised.
3. Write down some stories or anecdotal information about yourself––serious or funny. If they make people laugh or cry, that’s okay. People are allowed to do that at funerals. Preachers would most likely appreciate having that kind of information as they prepare services for people. It is especially hard on preachers who come into a new church and have to do funerals for people they haven’t yet gotten to know. Often preachers are called upon to do funerals for people they have never met. Having information written down is extremely helpful.
We have forms available for you to use in this process. They are available in a variety of formats. Take a look at them––and use them.
God’s blessings be with you.
1. Let family members know about your desires concerning arrangements and burial. Have you purchased grave plots. Do you have special insurance to take care of funeral costs. These types of arrangements should be written down and given to your spouse and children (or others who will be called upon to make these types of decisions at your death). My Aunt Majorie told as many people as she could about her desire to have a casket spray made out of pine boughs from a tree in her front yard. The tree was special to her. It had been planted by her nephew and nieces when they were young. They were her only children and the gesture carried important symbolic meaning for her.
2. Write down a list of your favorite hymns, scripture texts, poems, etc. that may be helpful in the planning of your funeral service. Are there particular people you would like to take part in the service? Such as a niece whom you love and who is gifted in speaking in front of people. Maybe she would be willing to speak for a few minutes. Go ahead and talk it over with your family and ask her about it now. It isn't too soon and an occasional reminder might be in order, “Remember, I want you to speak at my funeral.” I know of several people who have asked me to speak at their funerals. If their families call upon me to do this I won't be surprised.
3. Write down some stories or anecdotal information about yourself––serious or funny. If they make people laugh or cry, that’s okay. People are allowed to do that at funerals. Preachers would most likely appreciate having that kind of information as they prepare services for people. It is especially hard on preachers who come into a new church and have to do funerals for people they haven’t yet gotten to know. Often preachers are called upon to do funerals for people they have never met. Having information written down is extremely helpful.
We have forms available for you to use in this process. They are available in a variety of formats. Take a look at them––and use them.
God’s blessings be with you.
Wedding Information and Preparation
On this page you will find information, forms, and links to help in preparing for your wedding day. Please carefully read my personal wedding policy. If you wish to have your wedding ceremony at a church, you must also read its wedding policy.
Wedding Information Sheet
This form must be completed by all couples who wish to be married by me. The form is provided in, Open Document Format (ODT), MS Word 97 (DOC) format and in Adobe Acrobat (PDF) format. Please download the format you wish to use. You may fill out the form in MS Word or StarOffice format and email it back to me if you wish. Or the form may be printed out and either mailed or faxed back to me. (See contact information below.)
My Wedding Policy
In addition to any church wedding policy that may apply to your wedding I have my own personal policy. You must review this policy and accept its terms before I will agree to perform your wedding.
Read My Wedding Policy
Personality Type Indicator
Use this questionaire and email or fax the results to me.
Pre-Marriage Counseling and Preparation Form
Pre-Marriage counseling is a required part of preparing for your wedding. If I am performing the ceremony, I would normally be the one to do that counseling. If another member of the clergy is leading the service that person is generally responsible for the counseling. Sometimes the couple getting married live far from the church or would prefer someone else to do the counseling. Those arrangments must be approved by me. If another person does the counseling, then the Pre-Marriage Counseling and Preparation Form must be printed out and completed by that person and either mailed or faxed to me.
Contact Information
Mailing Address:
DR ALAN P SWARTZ
PO BOX 475
CLAYTON NC 27520
Fax Number: I NO LONGER HAVE FAX
email: aps (at) nccumc (dot) org
Moving Files
I am in the process of moving files to new locations so I can get all of my email and web stuff off of my personal server. It has been running on grace for some time now. I have a tendency to use my oldest computer as my server since it doesn't need to run a GUI to work well.
I still have a few files (e.g., PDF documents) that I need to figure out how to host elsewhere.
I still have a few files (e.g., PDF documents) that I need to figure out how to host elsewhere.
My Wedding Policy
[Please Note: If your wedding is to take place at a church
you will need to acquire and read that church's wedding policy in addition to
this one.]
So, You Want to Get Married
I am honored that you want me to be a part of this sacred moment in your lives. I find that working with a couple as they prepare to get married can be a blessing for me. I have also learned that it is best to be honest about certain expectations up front. Therefore, I have prepared this Wedding Policy to share with couples who invite me to have a part in the service.
My Position as a United Methodist Pastor
I am an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church. As such I am bound to adhere to the current Book of Discipline of the United Methodist Church and the rubrics of the "Service of Christian Marriage" as contained in the current Book of Worship of the United Methodist Church. While these documents allow for a good deal of flexibility they do spell out some limitations. Please don't expect me to violate those limitations.
Weddings Beyond My Current Parish
If I am to lead or take part in a wedding ceremony in a church (or church property) other than the church I am currently appointed to by my Bishop, I must receive a written invitation from the pastor of that church.
Scheduling the Wedding and Rehearsal
All dates must be approved by me before I can agree to take part in the ceremony. Additionally, the dates will need to be approved by whatever process the church uses for scheduling weddings and related events. At my current appointment, Horne Memorial UMC, the person who handles the scheduling is Sarah Norris. You must contact her to schedule a wedding at Horne Memorial United Methodist Church.
Pre-Marriage counseling
All couples must receive premarital counseling as part of the pre-marriage process. This counseling includes the use of a personality type indicator. It also involves a discussion of the liturgy of the wedding and the planning of your service. Other matters may be brought up by me (or by you) as a part of the counseling process. Under some circumstances (if I approve), it may be appropriate for someone other than myself to actually do the counseling. I provide a form that must be signed and returned by the person who does the counseling.
Reimbursibles
If I am to travel outside of the normal boundaries of my parish I expect to be reimbursed for all of my expenses, including (but not limited to) travel, meals, and housing.
Compensation
If you are getting married at Horne Memorial UMC and it you are not active in the life of the church (with both your presence at worship services and in financial support), I expect you to adequately compensate the church for my time. This is separate from any other fees that may apply from the church. At this time the expected amount is $250.00 and must be paid at least 2 weeks prior to the wedding. This is such a small amount when compared to the overall cost of the wedding and it doesn't really cover the cost to the church for my time.
Note that I did not say anything about being a member of the church. For the purposes of compensating the church for my time, membership is irrelevant. What matters is if you are currently support the life and ministry of this church.
Honorariums
I do not charge for doing weddings. If you wish to make a gift or honorarium to me that would be acceptable. If you wish to make a gift to a specific ministry or mission in my honor, that would also be acceptable. The issue of an honorarium is completely separate from matters of reimbursibles and compensation to the church for my time.
End Note
This policy statement cannot anticipate every situation. If you have any questions regarding matters discussed here, or any other questions, mention them now.
Current as of May 15, 2007
(This version supercedes all earlier versions)
Alan P. Swartz
Moved
I have decided to move all of my web page stuff to Google using the blogger blogging software. It should make it easier for me to keep everything up-to-date. ;-)
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